Joe. Ali just posted a lovely piece on today’s adventure, the Swiss Alpen Cow Parade. She kindly left out a few details with respect to the start of our trip (to spare you boredom and me humiliation), but I thought I’d fill you in. Our day started early, with a 7:04am train out of Zurich. In the Bahnhof, we stopped at a bakery to pick up goodies for our breakfast on the train (a Swiss Family Abraham tradition!). This type of purchase is something I do several times a week, and typically involves only minimal German conversation skills. I’ve got it down. This purchase started out smoothly. I requested 4 butter gipfli (aka buttermondsichelfettmacher) and ein Berliner (of ‘Ich bin ein Berliner’ fame). So far, so good. But then I noticed a sugar-coated goodie in the display. Needing another purchase to round out my 10 Franc lunch check, I asked the lovely Swiss lady behind the counter, “Ist es lecker?” (translation: Is it tasty?). Her wordless response was easy to understand: “Huh?”, her face replied. So I tried again with “Schmeckt es?” (translation: Is it delicious?). Her response ruined me: “Tut mir leid. Ich kann Englisch nicht verstehen.” (Translation: I’m sorry, you idiot American, I don’t understand English). Ouch.
In the two months of experience I’ve chalked up so far, I’ve found the Swiss to be both tolerant and appreciative of my attempts to speak their language (though German isn’t even their language; that would be Swiss German). It was either too early in the morning, and/or too terrible a hack job, and this lady was having none of it. I tucked my tail, and my delicious pastries (the unidentified goodie included), and headed for the train.
After relating this story to a friend of Ali’s from UofZ later in the day, I was told of an even better episode of American foolishness. She was speaking on the phone with the doctor’s office, trying to get some help for her boyfriend who had scratched his eye badly. In her distress, she told them, “Mein Freund kratzte sich am ei.” Now, the word for ‘eye’ in German is ‘Auge’. The word ‘ei’ is pronounced “eye” and in her haste, she blew it (in her defense, this woman’s German is spectacular). The problem: In German, ‘ei’ means both ‘egg’ (the delicious ovoid breakfast food) and ‘ball’ (as in testicle). So she was telling the doctor her boyfriend had scratched his balls. Not exactly an emergency…
Lecker!