Ali- As Maya’s spring break was approaching, I applied my usual method to travel planning: I waited for the travel gods to send me signs. First there was the New York Times article on a place called Cinque Terre! and then Joe’s sister told us they had loved Pompeii!! and then my sister in law said they had an amazing time in Rome on a private tour!!! and then Rick Steves (that travel blog dude) said the hill towns of Italy were awesome!!!! Done. Trip planned. Thank you travel gods.
So we started out Saturday at 5:30 am heading to a 7:20 am flight (curse you travel gods!) that I booked in Business class because it was the same price as economy (bless you travel gods, you rock!). Our first stop was the Swiss Air Business Class Lounge at Zurich Flughafen. We found out that in a 45 minute stay in said lounge given Zurich food prices, it is almost possible to eat an amount of free food equivalent to the ticket price of a flight to Rome. 
If you include the free booze available at 6:30 am in the lounge, the game is almost too easy.
After the lounge we waddled to our flight, arrogantly cut in front of the economy plebes and sat down to another full breakfast during the flight. It was good to see we were getting into the swing of Roman gluttony. The flight attendant looked at me funny when I asked where the vomitorium was.
From Rome we took a TrenItalia train to Naples and then hopped on the Circumvesuviana train – a train system that Google navigation can’t even find – to Sorento. This train, which looks about as local as you can get, was full to the brim with tourists in their pastel loafered best.
We arrive in Sorento and wade through the miasma of lemon tree scent to our swanky overpriced hotel The Grand Hotel De La Ville. For the one person out there who reads this blog, you (yea you) know I’m an AirBnB fan. However, Maya and I both have a soft spot for swanky hotels so I sprang for one when the AirBnB options seemed slim and pricey. It was a good call as we had a balcony that looked right onto Mount Vesuvius… yea that Vesuvius. 
The somma-stratovolcano that blew its top (literally! It used to be bigger!) in AD 79 burying the Roman cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum.
Besides stare at Vesuvius, the other thing to do in Sorento is consume products made with lemons and seafood, which we did while fighting through the crowds of tourists. The secret is definitely out on this place
My vague plan for day two was to head to the Amalfi coast, which is just across from Sorento on the south side of the peninsula. I didn’t know anything about it except that when you mention it to any random travel bug, you get the appreciative head nod that indicates approval of your destination choice. Now I had foolishly assumed there would be some kind of train over there but the Circumvesuviana ends at Sorento. Luckily Joe took charge and marched us to a scooter rental shop Saturday evening where Sergio rented us scooters for the next day without a second glance at my expired drivers license.
Here is where we made a strategic blunder. Sergio sang his scooter siren song so well that we didn’t think about the fact that the next day was Easter Sunday and this was Italy, not Switzerland. What Italian is showing up for work on time on Easter Sunday? Well certainly not Sergio’s co-worker, who wasn’t there at 9:00 am on Sunday morning and also wasn’t there at 10:00 am on Sunday morning. Joe was very brave and only cried a little bit, and after accosting the parking attendant in the garage where the scooters were all sitting unriden, we headed for plan B, which was the rooftop pool of our hotel.
We were just getting our burn on when Sergio called, having been notified by the alarmed parking attendant that crazy Americans were slobbering on the scooters. He was very apologetic and quickly got us geared up. He was also so chivalrous as to warn me about the awesome thrusting power of my 125 cc two wheeled beast.
Senora, slowly on the throttle. Very powerful. Slowly twist, ok?
Let’s just say there are plenty of riding lawnmowers out there with more thrust. Nevertheless, it was a thrilling ride, as a total lack of passing thrust heightened the thrill of Italian free-for-all driving on a single lane, twisty cliff side road.
We hit a seafood restaurant along the way that Sergio had recommended, which perched on the cliff and stopped at several of the lemon ice stands that sat like Antlions on the side of the road waiting for tourists. 
We returned to Sorento just in time to experience scooter driving in the rain in Italy, about as dangerous and wet as swimming in a shark infested pool wearing a tuna fish suit.
We finished up our day with a sunset and made plans for our next stop: Rome by way of Pompeii.