Ali – Last weekend I was really reaching the end of my opportunities for checking off the remaining items on my bucket list. I still hadn’t managed to make it to a Via Ferrata route, and I was sure that would be the culmination of a full and satisfying year long Swiss experience. The problem was this: most folk I knew had already said something to the effect of ‘hell no!’ when I mentioned it. However, on Friday I was invited to join Laurel, Martin, Sophia and Lil on a gratwanderweg by Schwyz – gratwanderweg being both the literal German term for a ridge hike and the figurative German term for navigating between two extremes – and I figured this was my chance to make my case for the via ferrata.
On the way up to the hike start, however, I found out that via ferrata was not the only Swiss experience that I had missed. Imagine my surprise when I learned I had somehow missed hearing about Schwingen, which is a kind of Swiss sumo wrestling where two guys try to wedgie each other out of a ring. The best Swiss wedgie giver is called the Schwingerkönig or Wedgie king. But alas my time grows short and I had to focus on something more achievable than Swiss wedgies.
So one gets to the start to this ridge hike using a 78% grade funicular, 
which is a pretty amazing engineering feat, and then a gondola to the top.
Now I have to say that ridge walks are pretty cool. Ridge walks in the Alps are down right amazing. 
The hike was only 2.5 hours including a stop for lunch but probably one of the most scenic I’ve done. Martin pointed out a place by the Vierwaldstättersee (fancy German name for Lake Lucerne) 
that one could see from the hike (meadow of the Rütli), which was supposedly the birthplace of Switzerland: in the 13th century, the cantons of Uri, Schwyz, and Unterwalden united to form the Swiss Confederacy. 
Of course along the way there were also the ever present tranquil alpenfauna-munching cows, lovely alpen flowers and (my personal favorite) requisite beer at the end.
We took gondolas back down at the end and I got to hear Lil and Sophia sing all of the songs they learned in Swiss public school. I can say now that songs about blowing your nose and tying your shoes sound much cooler in German. 
Everyone was in high spirits and game for a little via ferrata on Saturday ….mission accomplished.
Saturday the weather was looking good and I had a reservation for 6 via ferrata harnesses in Braunwald, where Manuela, Sarah, Laurel, Sophia, Lil and I were going to attempt the kids via ferrata while Rick and Martin drank beer and did fallen body retrieval duty. Anxiety was high but I was proud of my little team of acrophobics, who were bravely giving this a try so I could fulfill my Swiss dream (which was really now to see Swiss wedgie wrestling, but via ferrata was still number 2).
We arrived on yet another funicular to yet another gondola and found our way to the Gumen berggasthaus for harness pickup. The harness guy was surprisingly nonchalant about our obvious complete ignorance of via ferrata. He suited us up and gave Manuela – our best Swiss dialect speaker – a run down on the route. 
I ended up giving the safety lesson on hooking in, which I derived entirely from my 2-3 times going to the kletterwald (i.e. Ropes course)… by which I mean to say that I had zero clue what we were supposed to do. Then we tromped up the hill, bushwacking our way to the start. 
I ended up leading with Lil behind me, which meant that the two non-acrophobics were in front with little ability to calm the panic that was happening down the line. 
However, except for one notable panic attack and an early exit by our rearguard, Laurel, I have to say it was an impressive showing. Though over beers and Rivella all but Lil said they would rather have hot pokers in their eyes than ever do it again.
As we made our way back down the mountain we took in the awesome view and then stopped for a coffee to counter the sleepy beer effect.
Here I found out about the second Swiss thing I had somehow missed out on: Helene Fischer! She is apparently a well know Schlager singer – a term I had to look up in Wikipedia: “Schlager music (German: [ˈʃlaːɡɐ], “hits”)[1] is a style of popular music which is generally a catchy instrumental accompaniment to vocal pieces of pop music with easy to understand, happy-go-lucky and often sentimental lyrics”. Ok so technically she’s considered a German artist but Rick (a physical therapy expert who used to work with Cirque de Soleil) just got hired to go on tour with her and keep her acrobats healthy and I got the impression that the Swiss are pretty big fans. Anyway I’m still holding out for Helene Fischer Schlager tickets to show up in the mail from Rick and a small part in the acrobatics show would be nice too. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. As Helene Fischer says: Atemlos durch die nacht. I’m holding my breath Rick…all night.