Ali –Pilatus Kulm sits 7000 feet above Luzern and takes the self-described slow Swiss hiker 5 hours to ascend (bear in mind that the Swiss also will tell you they know only a little English and then proceed to conjugate a rare English verb). We opted for the less exhausting Golden Round Trip, which starts in Luzern on a boat to Alpnachstad, ascends the mountain in the world’s steepest cogwheel railway, then descends on the other side first in a aerial cableway and then in a gondola (the difference between the two being only in the size of the sardine can you are stuffed into).
Now according to legend, Pilatus is the home of both a dragon with healing powers and also the soul of Roman Prefect, Pontius Pilate, who apparently is super cranky when disturbed.
Since we opted for the tourist experience rather than the Swiss 5 hour ascent on a holiday weekend no less, we were not exactly alone on this journey. So on the boat ride over we strategized on how to avoid the massive line at the cog train. Joe and I each covered an exit on the boat as we approached Luzern. My door was the lucky winner and, as soon as the gang plank was in place, I elbowed a couple children and a Japanese tour group aside to make a mad dash for the cog train line. Those small children I trampled will eventually forget their trauma but I will never forget getting the last seats on this wild 48% vertical climb.
Once we got to the top, which has two completely unaffordable hotels, a couple short hikes to panoramic outlooks and the requisite souvenir shop, it became fairly easy to believe that both dragons and Pontiff souls might make this a summer residence.
Unfortunately, either we disturbed cranky Pilatus or Joe is allergic to dragons (which I think are distantly related to cats) as he began suffering the first of two epic allergy episodes. I captured the between episode facial swelling.
After a climb through the dragon cave, which was woefully short of dragons and way too populated with tourists and what looked like mountain rabbit poop, we headed to the “dragon ride” aka aerial tram
.
The tram let off at Fräkmütegg, a mere 4700 feet up, where you can partake in Switzerland’s longest metal toboggan run and the Pilatus rope park. We, of course, had to do both. I regret to inform you no pictures were taken of either as phone/cameras were not allowed on the toboggan (something about needing your hands for braking which is pure rubbish because why would you brake??) and phones/cameras were not so practical to be holding while clinging to a safety line 40 feet off the ground while distracted by someone crying and praying behind you – feel free to guess whether it was Joe or Maya or both. Of the two, the rope course was the better buy as the toboggan queuing system was clearly designed by Italians or Greeks or Disneyland and not the Swiss. The inefficiency was a big buzz kill and we abandoned the extra 5 rides we had purchased, as none of us could stomach waiting in the line again.
When the ropes course closed at 5 pm we headed to another long line for the gondola down. True to our now 3 week Swiss experience, we met a family of Americans and a lovely guy from Geneva in the line. The Geneva guy told us about a vertical glass lift on the side of another mountain (sounded like he said Mt Birkenstock) that was Hugh Heffner old and still…errrr…lifting despite. So clearly that’s on our list of must-dos. The American family from DC was on a European tour and Maya joined them for the gondola ride down. By the time we made bottom, we heard she had told them her life story, discussed the joys and heartaches of international travel and debated the merits of foreign language acquisition. Yup. Politician or lawyer? What do you think?