How international airplane travel is like life

Ali – I’d like to return to the topic of international  travel never going as planned. Last night I said goodbye to Joe and Maya and headed to the Zurich Airport for my trip to Durban, South Africa for the International AIDS Conference.   Upon arriving I made may way to the Swiss Airlines check in (no budget seasonal airline for me this time; I’m trusting to Swiss excellence and efficiency!). I was quickly routed to the self-check-in kiosk, which I was told was the only check-in option. For cosmically mysterious reasons that no one yet has been able to explain, the kiosk gave me one standby boarding pass for my Zurich to Johannesburg flight and no boarding pass for my Johannesburg to Durban flight. The nice Swiss Air help lady told me first in German and then in English after I gave her my best  confused look (vielleicht Englisch ist besser für Sie?) to go to the gate and all would be well. 

So I sallied forth and assumed all would be clarified at the gate. Clarification did not happen but a seat assignment did spit out of the machine as I boarded the flight and I assumed all was well. Flash forward 10 hours and we are landing in Johannesburg. It’s 9:15 am and my Durban flight leaves at 12:15. I am feeling quite optimistic about the final leg of my journey and I calmly submit myself to the longest passport security line known to man

It was reminiscent of the worst summer vacation Disney World line for the most popular ride but nothing remotely fun at the end. So now it’s 11:15 am and I am finally pulled out of line to go to the front so I don’t miss my flight to Durban. I dash to the South African Air check-in counter (as they are operating my Swiss Air flight) and I’m told that the flight is closed to me as I am not checked in, have no boarding pass and therefore am entirely and completely screwed. I am sent to the Swiss Air baggage counter as the South African Air folk have no clue where or if there might be a Swiss Air ticketing type person about. The baggage counter, which I get to by walking back through the NO ENTRY door past the armed  security, sends me to another counter upstairs. This is all looking pretty bad for me. At this point I’m in a bit of a sweaty, out-of-breath tizzy when I arrive at the second floor and meet Stanely.

I still don’t know if Stanely was some official airport helper or a benevolent opportunist but he got my story in winded panting bursts, then grabbed my bag and wheeled me through the Johannesburg airport concrete jungle on the worst scavenger hunt ever to find a boarding card for a new flight. The treasure was finally found in the bowels of the airport at a Swiss Air office where apparently the words ‘missed her flight due to security’ is the equivalent of ‘Open sesame!’ or ‘Abracadabra!’  With new shiny boarding card in hand for my 3:55 flight to Durban, Stanely left me at the gate security line after extorting 15CHF from me, which I gladly gave as he was worth every Franc. 

Now I’m having a beer at the gate waiting for the flight and pondering how international airport travel is like life. It’s completely out of your control and never goes as planned though we often tell ourselves it’s highly scheduled and Swiss clock precise. You will likely have to be satisfied with plan B or C, with delays and hiccups. People will help you along the way.  But it may cost you. In the end we all just have to give up control and smile thankfully as we count out the Swiss Francs. 

2 thoughts on “How international airplane travel is like life”

  1. Holy crap. Also, in international travel, just like in life, sometimes you have to stab somebody. Totally relieved one can go through the “no entry” and saunter by armed guards in the airport.

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