Ali – Friday night we went to the home of our friends Raphaelle and Ashton for Shabbos. After a lively discussion of American politics and the fastest prayer recitation in Hebrew I have ever heard, Raphaelle pointed out that, because of the high cost of Swiss living, the average Swiss person couldn’t afford to spend their leisure time consuming goods. She said (picture a French accent here) , “You Americans have a culture of consumption because of your cheap goods. Here you have to find another way to occupy your time… here you hike.” And voila! The Swiss hiking theory is born!
So, because indeed we can’t afford to buy anything, Saturday we headed out of the house around 11 am to hit one of the 32 most enjoyable hikes in Switzerland. We made our way to the Hauptbahnhof or the main train station and bought some tickets to Uetliberg, the local Zurich mountain (what? Doesn’t your town have a mountain??). When the train arrived we watched as all the local Swiss – who had already climbed up Uetliberg earlier that morning and taken the return train home – disembarked while all the tourists -who had just rolled out of their hotels – hopped on for the ride up. Swiss hiking lesson 1: The Swiss hike up and take the train down while everyone else takes the train up and hikes down. We arrived at the Uetliberg stop and started along the planetweg trail that traverses the ridge looking down on Zurich while passing representations of the planets in order out from the sun (with size and distance precisely to scale). Immediately we were passed by two Swiss women in their 80s.
The trail features ample panoramas of Zurich and the distant alps and just about every view is annoyingly similar to the landscape scenes from a Disney movie. What Americans in particular will find unsettling is the complete lack of idiot protection measures. You look around and see no guard rails, no warning signs, no barricades and think, ‘oh my god, this is an idiot elimination conspiracy!’ I stood on the edge of a steep cliff-like precipice snapping a photo. Then I turned my head to the side and saw a 4 year old Swiss kid similarly perched with his parents behind him seemingly entirely oblivious to the boy-in-a-gorilla-cage situation. I mean sure, the kid should know better than to walk off a cliff just like a boy should know better than to go into a gorilla cage but …. you know…there was just recently a boy who went in a gorilla cage. Well I guess someone has to get rid of the idiots and, since the Swiss are neutral and highly efficient, they are perhaps the obvious choice. Swiss hiking lesson #2: leave your idiots at home when you go for a hike.
